2006 ~ the ending & the beginning

am amazed and amused with capturing reflections.. seeing myself through someone else's eyes.. hmm.. kinda warped looking..
nevermind.. i guess sometimes we dun know who we really are even through our own eyes..

Puppy.. going for one of those rides.. he just loves the wind blowing in his face.. how he bravely puts his head outta the window..
when the car is NOT moving.. and how stunned he looks when the car moves off.. i simply adore him...

Been doing lotsa thinking & feeling.. finally the long awaited break is here.. friday thru thursday..
thank God for CNY! was clearing out my room.. just never seems to empty.. no matter how much
i throw out.. before depression's PR expired.. i was an avid collector.. of everything..
everything had some sentimental meaning attached.. and it piled like the feelings of long agos..
even the pain was held so dear to my heart.. now i just diss most things outta my room.. STILL
its still so cluttered!! that's the beauty of my life.. the blessedness.. the more i throw away, the
more i have.. and always replaced with something better.. always something more deserving of sentimentality..
of wonderful memories.. from people who truly loves me as i am.. with all my crankiness & eccentricities..

depression's just a visitor now.. something good and solid's taken up PR..

and i dun hafta dream.. ur love's so real.. something i grasp onto..
and dis time it dusn't slip thru my fingers.. it is solid within my hands

The 1st night out clubbing after almost 2 yrs.. Went for Ivan's campmate's bday party @ partyworld..
after that we had a surprise bday for Louis.. had hell lotta fun "dancing" with the chibuddies.. the music
@ 1 nitestand was kinda.. i duno i've never heard mosta the songs before.. but we goofed away and
did our own variations of Chick Lil'! the live band there was good!! really good!! the rocks & metals
even the drummings & guitarists were outta this world.. even Ivan, a more avid fan of this genre
gave his thumb-ups!! Louis's surprised face & utter shock was P R I C E L E S S..

the most heart-warming friends i've come to know.. people who truly accepted me wholly.. people
who went the extra miles for me before i could even start giving.. the people who've trot their own
bitter paths and yet still not be jaded to give entirely of themselves.. and brought me outta my own
bitter path.. leaves me dumbstruck with the gifts they offer.. noticing the minutest details about me
before i even notice mine..*muacks*

~~29th January ~ 31st January 2006~~ CNY @ Turi Beach with the best companions on earth.. the greatest blessing in the world.. my family..

Spent CNY 3D2N @ Turi Beach! Ooh!! such a romantic place.. balinese styled resort with beautiful sea-facing rooms!!
had so much fun! lotsa resting & quality family time! that's wat i like for family trips.. less things to do.. more quality
time.. did lotsa swimming in the sea.. the waves there were surprisingly strong.. while trying to dump Syl into the water
Ivan got dragged silly by the waves instead.. and i got spun round and round!! We did sum wave-runner riding..
think Dad was most exhilarated.. must be missing the years when we still had our yacht & wave-runners.. miss those
times dearly too.. me & dad with our knees folded close under the wind-breaker fishing.. all hooded-up and freezing
in the rain @ nite.. we'd be giggling at each other.. laughing ourselves silly.. it wasn't so much the fishing..
but the long spans of time we had just sitting and talking and laughing.. it's forever imprinted in my heart.. SYL is MAD!!
she squeezed the throttle fully and all i could hear were wild screams and giggles of exhilaration.. 3 on a wave-runner..
not much CG and thus 3 flips into the water!! went for one of the best massages i've ever had!! YUMMM!!!
Thank God for my wonderful family.. which is really extraordinary.. such an affectionate family..
with belly-deep laughters.. and unconditional loving.. how blessed i am...

~~10th February 2006, Friday~~ 20 big-fat reasons why i get bubbles blooping from my tummy up to my heart just thinking 'bout marrying you!!

~~Sunday, 12th February~~ ~~2006~~ l i f e

i can't figure the right word..
it just leaves me speechless with awe..
how totally pathetic we stand in all its grandeur..
how insignificant and totally magnificent we can be all at the same time..
it just doesn't quite work out..
how does one describe "life" in a single lifetime..
even given a thousand lifetimes..
we'll still be this much dumbstruck..
life both amazes and scares the hell outta me..
perhaps it's its fleeting ungraspsable beauty that keeps me gasping with awe and fear..
so much awe as when a child meets God..
so much fear as when a child meets God..
and so much so as when a child meets the Devil
its really this ironic..
how God can be so awesome and yet so feared..
and how the Devil commands the same emotions as God
it IS really this ironic..
doesn't something just work out perfectly?
without that shade of grey in between?
without leaving me totally contradicting myself after every sentence i make?
this leaves me both weary and exhilarated
both defeated and triumphant
insane and sane all at once..

its my favourite month & week of every year!! 14th_V'day . 15th_My B'day . 18th_2nd Year Anniversary!
was kinda disappointed thinking that He'd be stuck in camp..
at 7:30pm he appeared at my doorstep with a bouquet of Roses!! (and i just noe how much he thinks giving flowers is dumb..)
i hopped onto him and giggled and squealed!! suddenly i saw a new pair of jeans hanging on my door..
OH MY GOD!! its the Levi's Princess Fit i've been eyeing!! (but couldn't bear e $179.. anything i buy takes a bit of processing..
unless its for my 5 babies & Ivan & my family & friends or traveling or when i really need it)

though its not a very expensive present but i'd been keeping most of his money for him.. so i have no idea how he saved up!!
he said.. "Princess Jeans for my Princess.." little does he knows that not only does he make me feel like his princess...
but he brings me so high up in the sky.. and I'm Princess of the World!!
we decided to do take-away din so we'd more time for cuddling & snuggling & giggling
i just couldn't stop giggling.. all my internal turmoils that's been going on for days just faded away
as i lay on his chest and listened to him talking.. i'm in safe haven..
can't wait for tomorrow.. i'm sure this silly boy's got more planned.. can just see the cheekiness seep outta his eyes.. oooooh.. i'm in L O V E

thank you to all who remembered my birthday even though i've literally disappeared... *sorry*
was complaining to my parents about bday cake.. and then my uncle who's working with us ran all the
way down to the only cake shop and got me a cake!! i didn't even realise he'd gone out!! he's sooo sweet!!
when it came to making a wish time.. i was at a loss.. not because i had too many things to wish for
but i didn't noe what else i could wish for.. i'm so blessed with soo many people who love me soo much!
but still can't waste a wish rite?? :)

most birthdays pass like this.. prefer the quietness.. just my loved ones & lotsa thinking..
Ivan had this little doggy with roches & flowers delivered.. poor boy's somewhere out in the jungles
rite now.. smuggled his phone and called me at 12 to wish me a Happy Birthday...
Lotsa thinking.. too much feeling these few weeks.. looking forward to this weekend..
when he'll be here.. and fill my heart with love & subdue the haunting feelings that i've come to think
that it really is an integral part of me..

just registered our own domain name www.ivanshirleen.com.. have yet to do anything to the site.. gosh..
its terrible.. wat with php & all the weird stuff.. *bleah* do update my email shirleen@ivanshirleen.com
when we've officially start our wedding planning.. it'll be our own space for journaling our wedding journey!!

its really hard to believe that 2 years has passed just like tt.. each time i hold u, kiss u, gaze into your eyes.. it still
feels like the 1st time.. & i dunno how its possible.. but it seems like i'm falling deeper & deeper in love with you..
thank you for being a fairy-tale come true.. dedicated back to you.. "You-Make-Me-Feel-Brand-New"

gave him a surprise Couple Spa @ Anjana.. a full body massage tt's ooh soo heavenly, followed by a full body scrub &
then a Goat's milk hot Jacuzzi bath.. i'm in H E A V E N.. he just wouldn't believe how great SPA is.. & buff @ the number of
packages i've got.. but i think he's addicted!! suits me.. cos i prefer to have sum1 accompany me for SPA.. to help fend off
the hard-selling salespeople! I was saying "let's do this once a month".. and he replied: "once a year?!!!! so long?!!" *ta-da*

After SPA, we went to get our BBQ stuff.. our all-time favourites! 1.Chipolata 2.My Pork Ribs 3.Prawns & Sotongs
4.His Chick Wings 5.Yakiniku Beef! 6.My Garlic Toast 7.Sinalco ! this is 1 man that can cook & loves cooking as
much as i do.. sumtimes even more!! & i guess this is wat makes me so amazed.. that i've found sum1 who prefers
cooking a romantic meal @ home & appreciates the simpler things in life as much as i do..

After BBQ, we played all our favourite songs.. & just laid in each others' arms.. hiding myself deep into his embrace..
losing myself in his love.. that seemed to pour outta his love.. as if its something solid.. that i could touch..

i can't believe 1 month just flew by since my last entry.. kinda a messy roller coaster ride of ups & downs..
lost my dance with words and arts when dep's away.. and now lost my passion to dance with them even when dep's
home.. i-r-o-n-y

Caught up with Kopitiam kakis the other day.. its been a while.. and i really can't believe we're going to be diving
together.. every session with them leaves me kinda breathless and thinking.. perhaps they are the people who're
going thru much of what i am.. the same brokeness i suppose.. and ppl who can see rite thru me and touch my heart..
not heal it perhaps.. but always beside me.. with unspoken understanding..

Josh went away to US and back.. for the very first time thru the 7 years that i've known him..
he's so bare.. sumhow our conversations are so much more intense.. so much more personal now.. and not
just goofish rubbish.. we've come a long way.. best friends thru CJC~NYP~now.. he's 1 person who noes me inside out..
perhaps its because when you take all else away.. we're basically the same.. the same dreams.. the same lost hopes..
the same views.. the same hurts.. while we were in sch we were so inseperable.. going to sch together. going home together.
skipping class together. going everywhere together.. everyone tot we were an item.. and we are an item.. my id soul-twin..

I really miss the times.. back to the old days.. before.. i duno.. now i'm confused.. i'm so very good with building castles
in the air that mosta the time i'm missing what's blaring right before my very eyes.. and mosta the time.. i even fool
myself into believing what i want to believe in.. those days.. the endless laughter and tears.. the late nite crammings
at my house.. the endless dumb retorts we'd thrown at our teachs/bitchess only to feel like crap after tt.. how we're all
so very volatile.. such unpredictability.. became totally predictable when its with you guys.. and i still think that we were
the noisiest ppl.. the most notorious nuisance at 505.. well everywhere.. but that's where the beauty lies...
totally unprohibited.. you let me be real.. brought me to heaven with your realness and brought me back down to earth
when need be..

i simply can't count the endless blessings in my life.. a life so blessed.. though the downs are no doubt an integral part
of me.. i just can't help but feel it from the bottom of my heart.. all the love from my family.. K-khakis & Claire
& my 7 brothers.. my Chibuddians.. my 5 babies that came with the purest of love.. though i haven't figure out what
would become of me when they have to leave.. its such an unconceivable thought.. though so predictable.. i already
know where i'll end up.. cos thru the darkest times.. no matter how much i feel like giving up.. i duno how you doggies
do it.. but i can't help but smile the most heart-felt smile.. wat will turn my darkness into light then? of cos.. the luxuries
i've been blessed with.. without which i guess i wouldn't have come to know the love of my 5 babies.. (you peas didn't
come anywhere near cheap or even affordable!) $$ to taste my dreams overseas so frequently.. with Ivan.. of cos made
everything if not perfect.. then so very near perfection..

this sounds almost too cheesy.. almost like writing my big goodbye.. sumhow it feels a little like goodbye.. at least
for now.. i've sorta lost a me again.. this time its even hard to make-believe.. to have that almost foolish trust and
faith i've had all my life.. had to learn things i'd never wanted to know.. and now that its been learnt.. how else am
i supposed to teach my heart otherwise?

~~Friday, 17th March 2006~~ rotten: retail-therapy

i'm feeling rotten enuff to buy myself that Fendi Diamond Watch.. almost there..
just have to get myself to step into Fendi and it'd be over! mum says if i quit smoking she'll get it for me..
only seem to be smoking more.. should i wait till after dive-expo?? my full dive gears a must..
i'm just afraid i'll lose my "to heck with money & just spend" resolution by the time i get down to fendi..
& it always happens!!!!!!!!! i think too much and end up not buying stuff!!!

Bought_in_Rotten:
1) Paraffin Wax Bath (for hand treatment) from US
2) Chemical Peel Kit from US
3) Victoria Secret from US
4) Remington Straightener from US
5) Burt's Bees!!!! from US
6) Sleeping Aid from US
7) Fuller's Earth Clay Mask Sets
8) Spa Kits
9) Lancome stuff
10) One too many Massages & Spas & Facials

too much online shopping.. but then again so much $$ in the bank for?? just such endless dumbness.. *Retail Therapy-I Love*

~~Tuesday, 21st March 2006~~ Peugeot Partner!

after much deliberation and lotsa showroom-hopping, we finally decided on Peugeot Partner.
and this time the difference is.. its paid & confirmed!! 10 days time i'll be bringing my baby home!!
except my dad will have to drive it home for me first.. cos its manual! and i haven't driven a manual in
4 years!! Was deciding between a van and a car.. in the end practicality, cuteness & my doggies..
its White, with the top rack as in pics, glass panels, fully carpeted interior, Peugeot Lions on my
half-caps on the wheels!! i'm soo excited!! was feeling quite bad that they have to spend an extra
1k per month just for my white baby.. but they're getting the Camry which initially we decided against
cos it was too big for me to drive.. now the problem's solved!! and we're both exhilarated!!

~~Saturday, 1st April 2006~~ 20 long days..

My baby's away for 20 days.. Brunei.. F.. its inappropriate to swear so.. "!@#$%^&*() the army!!" sent him
to the airport at 12 am.. *groan* 20 gruelling days.. made him marshmallows stringed together with a ribbon
thru a punched hole on the tiny packets and strung the marshmallow necklace round the stuffed-toy Piggy's
neck.. the Piggy he brings along on trips when I the Piggy can't go along! Each Marshmallows got the day
written on it with lovey notes attached.. counting down the days till he gets home.. 1 marshie / day.. just
a little something for him when he goes overseas to remind him that i LOVE him much!!

its really funny tt 2 years down the road.. we still find that the more we see each other, the more we share
kisses and hugs, the more we gaze into each other's eyes.. the more we find that it isn't enough!! I-N-S-A-T-I-A-B-L-E

Signed up for a diamond peel package $888 @ AngelSkyVII with Celia & Emz.. quite a nice place.. love
the ambience.. love the burn in my pockets! But its a better deal as compared to my chemical peel..
and its more fun going for SPA together with friends..

going to Batam next weekend with Grace.. my KK for a 3D2N SPA getaway.. only the 2 of us..
we need some bonding time.. but i'm nervous about the emotional turmoils i always go thru..
cos she takes me and plants my feet back into the ground.. *muacks*

Hey baby, thanks for remembering our HugHug, KissKiss and all our first dates annis every month..
i'm missing you so much.. its been 9 days.. 11 more days before i'll getta kiss, bite and squeeze u!
Its been so hard sleeping without u.. so hard not to be able to talk to u so much on the phone..
worst of all.. i miss ur hugs, kisses, nibbles and squeezes! i just miss the way your eyes
crinkle when u smile and say "good morning baby, i love u.." I'm just falling more and more
in love with u.. and its so nice being loved by u.. and knowing how much i mean to u.. that i'm
no. 1 and nothing else even comes close.. can't wait for u to come home..

ur Onitsuka Tiger arrived from the US on friday.. the shoes u've been searching for for months..
the one that's sold out in singapore.. i'm bursting with excitement at the thought of how
surprised and happy u'd be.. at how u'll squeeze and plant kisses all over my face
when u see ur surprise!! wahha.. i'm bursting.. its so hard keeping surprises secret..
i had to tell every1 who would listen just to ease the urge to explode and tell u about
ur surprise.. i've been keeping it for 1 month!! Ur going to love me so much so much
more.. hehehe cos i'm sooo sweet!! hahaha *grinz* actually its just because YOU
appreciate even the tiniest gift.. I love u sweetz!

My Peugeot Bunny's Home!!! i love her!! finally my own transport!! i've yet to drive her.. cos she's
a manual.. and last time i drove a manual car was 4 years ago on my traffic police test date!!
decided to wait for Ivan to return from Brunei before i drive her.. its going to be quite a funny
experience.. and i can already hear him luffing when i send her into a stall!! thanks MUM & DAD!!
I love you guys!! provided me with more than i could ever ask for.. *mmmuuuackss*

~~Monday, 17th April 2006~~ a faraway dream..

Thanks for awakening the dream i'd cast aside so long ago.. sumthing i thought i'd so safely
tucked away.. you tell me i never fail to amaze you.. that you were always impressed with
the way i dared to dream.. dared to chase my dreams.. dared to take the chances just
for a try.. even though a thousand others told me i'd failed.. i would still prove them wrong..

somehow this person you speak of is so unfamiliar.. like someone i've never known..
to some extent i'm blessed.. so blessed that my life's been blessed with the luxuries..
the flexible schedule to enable me tp pursue things i love.. i think maybe i should be contented somehow..
but its really so far from where i'd dreamt i would be.. where i promised i would take myself..
isn't making the ppl you love happy a dream come true too? as much as i feel really blessed
with all the givings in my life.. there's really an innate need for me to chase that ever elusive
dream.. and somehow things painful enough now to leave behind.. (i mean only at this moment..)
my dreams just never seem to shut.. no matter how much i try to silence them.. maybe its
time i started thinking.. and weigh out the two.. "the ppl who love me.. vs ..my dreams" it would
mean leaving every1 behind.. "only 1 lifetime to live your dreams.. & only 1 lifetime to be
family with the people u've been blessed with".. its a tough one..

kinda heart-wrenching to know that some1 i hardly speaks to.. that i've had less than
10 good conversations with.. would be the one who tells me that i never fail to amaze
him..

my baby's finally home from brunei.. 5 days off from work.. 5 days of bliss & loving.. we went to our favourite
dating places.. Seletar Dam's one of them.. with our favourite ice cream Rum & Raisins.. and reminisced about
the times we sat and talked till the wee hours of the morning.. so many first times there.. the 1st real 1-on-1 date..
the 1st time he took me into his arms.. the 1st official day we got together.. we always talked till the sun came out..
and always part ways so reluctantly.. its a beautiful place when there isn't a crowd.. the sea on 1 side.. the reservoir
on the other.. the streetlights.. like an airport runway.. ahh.. *blissville*
i'm falling deeper in love with each passing day.. a love blooming in the warmth of ur steadfast love..

Finally a book-out long enough to go diving!! we couldn't make it for the perhentian dive so last min, we found
2 seats to Aur.. at least its 10 dives.. and at our favourite slacking resort.. the dives were splendid!! we skipped
both night dives cos we were too lazy.. 9 trips together.. hopefully we'll make the rest of the places we'd planned
to holiday this year.. click on the pic to get linked to the pics

~~CNY 2006~~ My HengHwa People

I know this is so late.. but i'm never good at keeping dates.. this is my lovely lovely family on my dad's side..
they're all such sweeties.. my aunts just can't stop holding my hands and always beaming with acceptance..
i LOVE you all.. My cousin's kid.. isn't he lovely? Ian.. looks like monchichi!! so lovely.. these are the people
i've lived with for the 1st 7 years of my life..

i miss my grandpa so dearly.. the man who loved me hell loads.. who always called to ask if i'd eaten.. who
stood at the windows waiting for me to reach his plc and asked the maid to buy me ice-cream.. who always protected me..
the man who commands respect from everyone.. not cos his assets were in the millions.. but because he lived
like everyone else, where everyone was equal in his eyes.. a man without airs, always so down-to-earth despite
the wealth.. the man who has given us everything we have now.. the man who was always fair and did things
with so much insight and so much wisdom.. the man of high moral values.. the man who still draws the tears from my eyes
even after 15yrs of passing.. Grandpa.. despite i was just 8.. i'd loved you all a 8 yr old could have loved anyone..

Have finally started on our domain.. ivanshirleen.com have moved our divecove over to http://divecove.ivanshirleen.com
life's getting better.. 2 dives in 6 weeks.. looks like we can start diving more now that his NS schedule's a little better.. *crosses fingers*

ahhh i have to blog more.. so much memories + forgetful me will be disastrous.. going for upgrade courses to learn how to host
my domain.. more flash and more photoshop classes.. cos rite now i'm using paintshop.. ahhh so many things i wanna learn !!
why is 1 lifetime so short?? gotta transfer everything over to my new domain and got so many new things to do and revamp the
old pages...

~~Saturday, 2nd July 2006~~ Boston - YOU DON't WEAR MY CHAINS

in the light of the sun, is there anyone?
oh it has begun.
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed.

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts
across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones
who cries when they see you

I said:

you don't know me, and you don't even care.
you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains.

I said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice.

you don't know me, and you don't even care.

Boston
where no one knows my name...
where no one knows my name.
where no one knows my name.

Boston,
where no one knows my name.

~~Tuesday, 4th July 2006~~ all things pretty..

Latest Hole-Burners:
1) Ear Candling Package - $600 (sponsored by MummY)
2) Body Massage + Scrub - $500 (sponsored by MummY)
3) Ampoule Facial - $500
4) Diamond Peel - $880
5) VS - $220
6) Drugstore.Com - $170

In a little shopping mood.. got a few VS items during their sales.. the bikini only costs USD $20!! i love shopping..
but those who noe me noes that i take forever to decide whether i should get that something.. unless i absolutely
love it.. otherwise i'm quite impressed with my self-control.. anyway this time round's Ivan's D&D that's to blame..
got that green dress in the pic but its in black.. its a smart casual dinner.. not those formal one.. i just lovee VS..
think i'll get them next mth... dun wanna break my budget for this month..

Me & mum got 2 more Guess watches & 1 Guess Bag!! the watches were the older models i've been looking for but
weren't available for a long time.. but guess wat?? they were at 50% off! Didn't really shop much at Great Sg Sales..
can't stand the crowds.. still prefer online shopping.. nowadays even for personal / toiletries.. i'm preferring to shop
via drugstore.com hermit's life..

Another year has come and gone.. and the loving's just keeps going.. watching u grow thru the years.. i really
still can't fathom your love.. so unconditional.. so forgiving.. so giving.. so steadfast.. never fails to amaze me
and leave me in tears.. how you sneaked your way into my heart and took the biggest warmest tenderest part..
Everyday i imagine life without you.. and i can't.. u've seen me thru my hardest times.. and brought me the most
heartfelt laughter and smiles in my life.. I would if God permits.. part with good tens of years of my life to give you
those tens of years.. forgive me for being greedy.. but with you its just insatiable.. I love your pixie smiles.. your
cheekiness.. your manjaness.. your sensitivity.. still the fastest and only one who noes even before the tears have
fallen.. you would have felt my heart before even I knew i was crying.. the one thing that keeps my wandering soul
longing to stop the wandering.. and just fly home to your side.. if i could choose one thing to keep with me for life..
honestly.. i think it'd be YOU...

~~Sunday, 20th August 2006~~ $1.7k - 2hrs & a House

Went shopping with Ivan today.. think we went kinda crazy and spent $1.7k in a mere 2 hours..
2 pairs of ninewest shoes.. *faintz* i never bot a pair of shoes that cost > $40.. and guess wat..
Sweet Ivan got me my FENDI Zipcode Watch!! we decided to get the diamond face instead of the cheaper
one.. he's just so sweet!! after almost 1 yr of desiring and desiring.. but its really not like i buy 1 every other month..
busted my budget for this month BIG time just on the shoes!! *sigh* but its sooo beautiful!!!

Thanks Baby.. *muuuacks* you're the sweetest! I LOVE MY BABY!! & my FENDI ZIPCODE!!

Gotta maintain the balance in my a/c.. we've applied for FERNVALE VISTA.. only got 4-rm flats.. but guess
without kids, we'll be fine.. the best part is my DOGGY's room.. sweet pie's letting me have 1 room for
my dogs.. (guess the real reason's cos he doesn't wanna share the bed with my dogs anymore! *lol*)
anyhow, the selection's in October & we needa pay our deposits and stuff.. *hope we get selected*
so shan't go shopping with him anymore.. he just spoils me so much even when its spending my money..
he's always "just buy if you like.." shucks! this is ruining my budget big time!!

My life's just unfolding right before my eyes.. and its getting kinda exciting!!!

Baby rushed the shop to get my Fendi ZipCode in time for his Bravo Company's D&D.. "Starry Starry Night"
my handsome baby looks soooo smart!! and soo yummy!! couldn't stop looking at each other the entire nite..

had loadsa fun.. especially meeting up with Jessica who's so full of bubbles and outta this world humour.. and
finally met Walter's gf Pristin.. its surprising the similarities we have - 1. both biotech students 2. both wanna
pursue psychology in future 3. both divers 4. both are aquarians!! waha! 3 aquarians vs 2 saggis & 1 aries!
From left to right in the group pic above - Pristin & Walter, Ivan & Shirleen , Jessica & Keith. The dinner show
was crappy and really draggy.. but the company made up for it.. however hermit me was craving for home
so badly by 12am..

as much as i love shopping, dressing up etc. this is really such a big big headache.. dress, hair, make-up,
shoes, bag, accessories, watch! *faintz*

~~Friday, 15th September 2006~~ it all gets a little too much

in the light of the sun, is there anyone?
oh it has begun.
oh dear i'm so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world i must've crossed.

you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains.

I said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice.

Boston
where no one knows my name...

I dreamt of my Grandfather last night.. i cried so bitterly in my dreams that the
pain woke me up.. its been 15 years now.. yet the missing never lessens..

i'm missing my 7 brothers, my 7 sisters, my Baos, Barker Boys & my Windsor mates so
much.. its such a wonder that after all this time, Lilian would write and tell me of all the
dreams we shared.. and as much as i wanted to hold on to the past.. she wanted to
hold on to us.. Meeting the rest, MeiLing, Andy, Kelvin, Thomas was such a jolt back
to when we were young.. Its nice seeing Thomas every other day.. still in the same ol'
same ol'.. there's so much yearning for so many things of the past.. my body & mind
is moving forward with time, with the responsibilities of growing up.. yet my heart has
been left somewhere back in time..

its not like we no longer love each other or think of each other.. we're always there in
each others' hearts.. in such a special way.. yet there's such an awful feeling of loss..

the future though bright.. seems so awfully lonely.. growing up.. i've lost the tiara
my 7 bros have placed so lovingly on my head.. i miss the doting and the loving..
i was loved so much by so many of you.. that whatever the rest of the world did,
it didn't matter.. i could always come back to you.. and there i'd find comfort..
like a little princess.. everything goes away with "mei"..

growing up.. doing what a good daughter would do.. crossing back onto the side of
the law.. leaving the fitin' behind, it seems that i've left you behind.. as much as we would like..
life has taken us each on different paths.. perhaps we're actually on the same path.. but we
have lost the privilege of what comes along with youth - freedom & endless tomorrows..
endlessness has ended..

i'm chasing after the shadows of us.. with both my feet chained to tomorrow..

i know i'm late again! we went to Bishan Park.. the haze was pretty bad.. but the whole park was lit
with lanterns of all colours hanging on trees, lines and "boats" with candles lit the ponds! We played
with sparklers and candles on paper plates and made hearts outta melted wax like we always do
since we were kids! its really amazing looking back on all the years.. how blessed I am with a family
that loves me to bits.. that's given me everything a child could ever want! Missing though were our
dragon & 2 pigs & a chicken lantern.. the shop we went to had run outta those traditional old kinds..
the modern ones are awful! *sigh* the best things are still the old ones.. timeless beauties.. each
with a little part of me.. *muacks* This life i've been blessed.. and that's all because of you!

today Ivan stole me away for lunch.. when he was ordering our food,
he called me on my HP.. "fat fat, u dun wan green peas rite?" i've never
really had any food with green peas for him to notice that.. but i HATE green peas..
just such a fuzzy sweet feeling.. its our 2 yrs 8th Month Anni today..
oh.. its the sweetest yet!

" 妈妈 " 好亲切，好温心
在这寂寞的夜晚
只想投如你的怀抱里
好好的痛哭一场
不怎么知道为什么
只觉得好累好累
走了二十三年的路
发觉我走进了黑暗的城市森林
弯弯曲曲的路
数也数不清的陷阱
跌倒了好多好多次
跌得伤痕累累

小时候有你替我擦伤口
亲了一下似乎有些魔术
或是那年幼无所顾忌的我
或是年轻傲慢的心态
就是不能让人知道跌疼了
再痛也咬着牙
摔了又爬起来
摔了又爬起来
摔了又爬起来
现在倒觉得不想再爬起来了

跌伤了
伤痕流着血
就让它流吧
摔疼了
就别亲了吧
冷酷的人也若无其事
就不再傲慢地爬起来了
好怕这一次真的再也爬不起来
跌伤了
伤痕流着血
就让它流吧
好怕这一次真的再也爬不起来

Happy 2nd Birthday my sweet little fat fat Rhea!! Please put on more weight till you're 1kg ok?
This little one had a tuff early life with collapsed cornea, suspected hydrocephalus, weak stomach
and bad sinus.. but never once have i ever seen her sulking or tired out.. she's always so full of life
and fight! Does the cutuest little hops on her tiny little <10cent coins feet! Weighing less than 1kg,
you'd be surprised at her fiery nature, her zesty character like a little mini energizer bunny! Doesn't
run or walk but hops from place to place.. Always worrying me so much when she hops around sooo
fast I can't even catch her! There's so much so much to learn from this little fiesty one..

Promise Mummy you must be a good girl and give mummy many many many many 10s of years to
love you ok? You're the little one that warms my heart all throughout the day! No matter how stressed
out or grumpy the day is.. just a thought of your deer hops, fat little butt and wags and i just can't help
but smile.. Love all of you to bits!

Stay happy & strong ok? Mummy will give you the best i can.. so you must always be healthy and strong ok?

Happy birthday!! Baby I LOVE YOU!! Can't wait for you to ORD!! 4 more months!! Then you'll get your dive cam set ok?
it was so last minute! he didn't even noe he could book out till today! We went for Aburiya Jap Charcoal Grill @ Holland V..
his favourite Pork Cheeks!! and my favourite Raw Beef!! I'm hooked on Jap Raw Beef with Egg!! *yum*

The food here's really really good! Aburiya!
1) Pork Cheeks for the fatty lovers!
2) Kimchi's A+++
3) Yukke - Raw Beef!
4) Horenso Salad!!
5) Wagyu Ribeye Saikoro (beef cubes) take it with a bit of sea salt! *yums*

Date	Where What	Length	With	Status
1st Feb	LASIK	-	-	-done-
16-17 Feb	Batam Spa	2D1N	IS	-done-
18-24 Mar	INDIA	7D6N	Daddy!	-done-
21 Apr	Phantom of the Opera	-	Ivan+Me+Sis	-done-
7 May	Ivan ORD !!	-	-	-done-
23-28 May	Dive BALI	6D5N	IS	-done-
22-24 June	Dive Aur	3D2N	Windsor mates	-done-
20-22 Jul	Dive Tioman LOB	4D3N	IS + Friends	-done-
4-5 August	Batam Spa	2D1N	IS	-done-
30-1st Jan	NY @ Batam	3D2N	IS + Chibuddies	-done-